Just put down the donuts!!!!

As of right now my whole family knows that I am having rny(gastric bypass)in the next month or so. A few people are concerned that I may be doing the wrong thing and have voiced their opinions. Now I realize people are afraid that I could die from the surgery or even regret it. Well listen up, I am ready to make a change. My children need a parent to raise them. If I don't fix my issues than we are taking a chance of them having no parents. My husband is well over 300lbs, and as much as he would like to do the surgery too we can't afford for him to be out of work for 6 weeks.

My aunt,grandmother, and mom said to me the other day, Sheri you are looking good. I can tell you are losing weight on your own. They don't get it that the moment I stop or eat one thing to much I put weight right back on. My aunt says," Sheri don't do the surgery just put down the donuts!" Is that what they think I do? That if it was as simple as not eating a donut I would be 120 lbs. I am morbidly obese, and I need help. Yep, I said it I need someone to open me up and change things around to I can gain a level of control that I don't have right now.

If I knew how to eat like a thin person I would, that is waht the surgery will teach me. How to eat like a normal person. So for now I will be not eating donuts and still moving forward with the procedure.

Favorite Protein Shake at the moment

I make the choc. monkey shake according to theworldaccordingtoeggface blog. But I use 1/2 cup skim milk, 1/2 cup water, choc. protein, 1/2 frozen banana and then blend until combined.

I also like the shakes icy cold so I pour it over ice in a large glass. Yummy!

This is my life!

I have never been one for conflict or second guessing anyone so this new attitude is something new for me. Anxiety has been building a little bit wondering why the doctors office wasn't calling me back. SO today I called again to say what the deal was. This is my life here and if you don't want me to keep calling then call me back to answer my question. Have you gotten all my referrals yet or do I need to hound other offices?

Still no answer but they said they'd call my cell. Also, I am trying a new cpap mask tonight. The mirage full face mask was killing my forehead and I couldn't take it anymore. So tonight I am trying out the liberty. Wish me luck.

Back in School and New Beginnings

Matt and Alex went back to school this morning and even though the weather was uncooperative I know it is going to be a good day. So currently I have a fourth grader,second grader, pre-k, and a two year old. God time flies.

So last night I took the foam off of hair rollers and placed it between my forehead and mask. It worked really well and was able to go to sleep. The Ambien helped too!

This is going to be my year. I can feel it. I am ready to go back to work, feel good about myself, and take my life into new directions. I hope you all are willing to go on the ride with me. To a new and healthy new year!

Cpap Hell

I received my machine on Sunday knowing that either I am going to embrace cpap therapy or I am going to hate the whole thing. After trying on a couple masks I decided that ultimately a full face mask might be best for me since I breath through my mouth and nose when I sleep. Fast forward to Sunday night.

I put the mask on and take an Ambien. I had to repeat the ramp setting three or four times before I finally fell asleep. The worst past of the mask is the hard plastic that touches your forehead. I have to keep the mask tight so it doesn't leak thus making the mask uncomfortable to wear. I feel like someone is smothering me and it makes my just want to rip the whole thing off. I really don't like to be touched especially when I am sleeping. Good thing my husband works nights and usually I have the bed to myself.

I tried again last night and after wrestling with the thing for two hours just took it off. I need to find away to make the forehead part more comfortable or I am going to need a different mask. I am going to try and put foam between the plastic and my head. I will let you know how it goes tomorrow.

Oh Crap I need a C-PAP

So I got the call," you need to go back to the dreaded sleep lab for test with cpap" We all know how well that worked out the first time. So now I will be wrestling to sleep with the wires and have a machine blowing air up my nose. Sounds like fun huh.

But this is the last of the requirements that I need to finish before I can go back the surgeon and schedule the surgery. I will continue to move forward and realize that this is another a small hurdle in my path, but one I can jump over.

But if anyone is reading the blog and wants to know about the other testing let me know. The pysch. eval was very long and originally I didn't get approved. I had to go back and talk to a therapist who said that I knew what I was doing. The original pychiatrist thought that I would go back to emotional eating and didn't give me the benefit of the doubt. That is ok, they are only trying help me be successful. Wow that really shows some growth on my part. I spent most of last thursday crying about it and saying that everything always has to be hard time for me. The good news is that I didn't hit the ice cream while I was upset.

When you Can't Sleep at the Sleep Study

I think I might have jinxed myself when I told everyone about all my testing. Things have been going really fast and appointments have been going very well. Until last Thursday. I had to go for my sleep study. What is so hard about going to sleep? You go to bed everynight,fall asleep relatively quickly and wake up a new person. RIGHT? well most of the time.

I went to the sleep lab with my bag of nighttime stuff, nightgown, toothbrush, book and went in to the lab already tired. I think this going to be a piece of cake, everyone who has had the surgery has to do and they make it through.

The techs ask what time do I want to go to bed and then they'd give me a ten minute heads up so they can hook me up to the wires. I watched the Big Brother eviction and then a little after 9:00 they say it is time for me to get ready for bed. So I head down the brightly lit hallways to the bathroom and get ready.

The techs rub goop on my head and one by one wire up this box that will check to see if I have sleep apnea. No problems so far and I get into bed. That is when they say you have to put a nasal oxygen tube in your nose and wire that goes between the nose and mouth. I can feel the panic starting. I don't like things touching my face and this was starting a mild panic attack inside my brain.

I lay down and know this is going to be harder than I thought. I am not a back sleeper at all and now my brain is racing with I just wanted to get this over with and move on. "Sheri you need to go to sleep,Sheri you have to go to sleep" was running through my head. I tried deep breathing, praying to God to help me get through this. Nothing is working. I ask to put on the tv which I fall asleep to at home.

I got to the bathroom down the hall. I try again, no sleep is coming, the mind is on a loop of panic, I can't breathe with this stupid thing up my nose and I have to do this.

Four trips to the bathroom and not falling asleep at ALL. At 4:30 they say I can go home and we'd try again some other day. I cried part of the way home was weepy the rest of the day. The doctor calls and tells me not to worry they'd give me ambien next time and I should fall asleep.

Now is the waiting game of hoping a cancellation happens so I can do the test again. The lack of not knowing when or if I am going to get the phone call soon to have the test again is making me anxious.

So as things stay now I still have to pass the psych. eval and sleep test.