Guest Blog from Heather: A Special Village

A Special Village

People often use the saying "It takes a village" when speaking to new parents. I heard that saying quite a bit when my daughter was born on August 5, 2005. My pregnancy had gone very smoothly and without any complications. As soon as Lily was born, we were surrounded by all of our loving family and friends; these people made up "our village". They all came to meet our daughter and send their well wishes. Everything was going so perfectly, that we had no idea it was the calm before the storm.

I had not even been back to work for a month before things started to take a turn for the worse. I began feeling very tired and fatigued, didn't have any energy to take care of my young child, and was having trouble breathing at times. I knew that all of my symptoms could be due to the fact that I was a new mother dealing with the demands of a very small infant. However, I still felt like something was wrong, so I went to visit my doctor.

After a vast series of tests, I was diagnosed with malignant pleural mesothelioma, or cancer of the lung's lining, on November 21, 2005. Mesothelioma is primarily caused by exposure to asbestos, which I found out had happened to me as a young child.

My first reaction, after hearing the diagnosis, was that my child was only 3 1/2 months old and I didn't want her to have to go through life without her mother. My doctor told me that if I chose to do nothing, I would only have 15 months to live. I knew right then that I would have to fight to survive, and nothing would keep me from beating this disease for my family.

Mesothelioma prognosis is not usually very optimistic. My husband and I, therefore, chose to take drastic measures, to battle this deadly disease. On February 2nd, my husband and I flew to Boston, where I underwent surgery to remove my left lung. I remained in the hospital for 18 days before returning home to recover for an additional two months prior to starting my chemotherapy, followed by radiation.

We would never have been able to fight this battle without the love, support and prayers of our village. There were people who helped us through our battle that we never expected to be there. Likewise, there were people we thought would be standing by our sides that decided to abandon us instead. Cancer had a way of showing us who truly mattered in our lives and who did not.

While we were in Boston, my parents in their home raised Lily. My parents had their own village to support them and help them care for her. Girls that I used to baby-sit for when I was younger were now grown up, married, with kids of their own, and offering to baby-sit my little girl. Members of my parents' church offered them constant love and support.

We never would have been able to survive this battle without the love and support of the people around us. They were what kept us going each and every day. My fight with cancer was not something that I would wish on anybody. However, I don't regret the people that I've met during my battle or the hardships I had to endure, because it has helped mold me into the person I am today. I have learned to appreciate everything that life has to other and to take nothing for granted. I am thankful for the chance to do that.

With a little help from God all things are possible

Spring has sprung and finally after spending most of the winter on my ass watching old episodes of Grey's Anatomy, I have moved into a better place emotionally.  I have recommitted to spending time at the gym and renewing a relationship with a healthier me.  This is a constant struggle when it seems like many people are needing something whether I can give it or not.  To learn to step away and put myself as a priority is not an easy thing when you grow up with always being a people pleaser.

Last year I quickly lost a significant amount of weight, the emotional blanket the kept me from talking to others  and my trusty food companion  that was my friend.  As time has gone on, I battle not falling into the trap of letting the food demons come back and steal away my success.  And let me tell you it is not easy at all.

I have taken up running and plan on participating in a 5k race in May.  Never could I have imagined running 3.1 miles without stopping prior to WLS.  But here I am, doing it and moving forward into a new reality.  I have to make short term goals to keep me going but that is OK. 

Constantly, while I am running in the cemetery I have an inner conversation of (please get me to this part of the road and then I can stop, then I get there and I say ok just get to the next part of the gate a few hundred yards ahead.)  Luckily this has kept me on the path to running with a purpose and not quitting before I get to the finish. And just because I am breathing heavy doesn't mean I have to hold back, it means I am alive and living my dream of being the girl that I wanted to be, a mom that can run with her kids and play until they drop. 

Life is a gift and I plan on living it to the best that I can.  Have a great day

~Sheri

A Letter to My Boys,

How blessed am I!  No it is not a question, but it is a statement of my total being. Without you all I would not be the woman I have become.  From the early days at Bridgewater State College and meeting you Howard, you have taught me to hold my head high and speak my mind.  It has gotten me into trouble sometimes, but I know I always have you to stand by my side.

Matthew has made given me the most important job in the world which is mother.  Seeing your little face and sweet smile gives me a reason to get out of bed in the morning.  I can't believe that years have flown by that I just wish I could put the brakes on.  I heard someone say that your first child is like your right arm and your a right handed person. That is such a good analogy, you can live with your other limbs but forever would be lost without the right.   

Alex, my red-headed handsome boy, you have taught me the importance of juggling motherhood and still managing to get done what needs to be done.  The love a mom feels for her children is beyond measure and that is how I feel about you.  I remember waking up in the middle of the night and holding you even when you didn't even need anything.  Alex, know that I always will be on your side even when ever others think you are wrong.  It takes you a little bit longer to get to where others have been but in the end you always get there and I know you can do it.

Jacob, my special, special, special boy.  That is right you are that special that it needs to be said three times.  Without you, I would not be the advocating mother that you have helped me develop into.  We have a connection that I'm not sure most moms get. I see the potential of a man inside of a small, six year old boy.  The world is just going to have to wait until you grow up a little and then look out.  The genius is sometimes hidden by too much enthusiasm but it is there and I can see it.  I love you more than I ever thought possible, and look forward to what you bring to society.

My littlest guy in a group of boys, Evan.  Despite what anyone says you were always meant to be a part of our lives.  I believe that when Daddy and I had our first date and we talked about having four children (boys even) that your little soul was waiting for us to be created.  That's right, you boys were part of the equation right from the beginning of the Warsofsky relationship.  Seeing your three year old self running around and the attitude you have puts a laugh in my heart and a smile on my lips.  I can't believe how quickly you are learning things( maybe not potty training) but other skills.  I know that when the door falls off the hinges that the odds are the screws are in your pocket and the screwdriver hidden under the cushions.  I love you, my little impish boy and wish you could stay tiny forever.  

I love you and Happy Valentines Day

~Mom

                                       

Until We See Each Other Again

If we are lucky we have many people in our lives that we can say we not only love them as a family member but also as a friend.  I have had the honor of having just such a person like that in my life until recently when she passed away.  Aunt Esther was not only like a surrogate grandmother to my husband and children but she fulfilled that role in mine.   

She was a woman of beauty on the outside but a lady of beauty and grace inside as well. Whenever we had a family occasion, I loved sitting next to her to hear her stories of the days of  growing up in Massachusetts.  She shared a wisdom of strength and courage that I can only hope that someday I possess as well as her.  

Aunt Esther was someone that had a talent with handmade stitchery  that inspires me to try different crafts and go back to the ones that we had in common like embroidery and cross-stitch.  The portrait of the lady in flowered hat hangs in my dining room that brings a smile to my face whenever I look at it.  Knowing that her hands created such a treasure brings a comfort to my aching spirit that  her handiwork  will be seen for many years to come.  However, the best gift I have ever received from her was the Sabbath tablecloth that she made for us as a young couple. The time she took to hand stitch such a masterful piece for us means very much to Howie and myself.

I could spend hours writing all the great things about her, but I am going to be a little selfish and keep them to myself.  You see, it is important that we all have cherished memories of our loved ones and some that are truly private between the two of you.  But I will say this...  

Aunt Esther I promise that I will tell my children about the wonderful lady that you were and keep your memory alive for not only myself but for them.  I love you and will miss you very much. 

Your Niece,

Sheri

Need to Get Back to Do the Right Stuff

After spending a few months hibernating and keeping my head in the sand I have gained some weight.  I want to be back around 121 or a little less.  So today I am starting a new.  The gym is calling my name and I going to get back on track with my goals.  Wish me luck. 

More to come later....

Letter 4: Heather

Dear Heather,

          When I met you a few years ago at book club I saw a woman with a huge personality that was funny and radiant.  As I got to know you and your likes and dislikes that more I wanted to be your friend.  I think you have a talent for drawing people into a conversation and make their thoughts feel as important as yours.

          When I came back to book club last May and you we’re getting ready for your life changing surgery I was so envious of what you were doing. The side talk that you had with me at Wetherlaine’s that night changed me forever.  Instead of standing at the sidelines of my life, you inspired me to take control of my destiny and change it. Truly, for the first time I saw the struggle of being overweight mirrored in someone else’s eyes.  I felt like you understood the frustration of wondering if others noticed your weight as much we do.  But, we create a self protection skill of only looking at our face in the mirror and ignore all the rest below the neck.  The honesty that you shared with me and encouraged me to talk about began the steps of change.  Heather, I can’t say thank you enough for what you have done for me.  Because of you, it pushed me toward my own journey in wls.

          In almost a year since my RNY, I have seen how far you have come and the hard work that must be dedicated toward maintaining and continuing the loss.  I looked at you at the Farmers Market and though I still see my friend in your caring eyes and warm smile, you have made a phenomenal change. 

          I see a woman who cares about her own health, family and those of others.  I see a woman who stands in front of a crowd and makes others want to follow in support of community and small business.  You have found your calling in life and have encouraged many others to find theirs. 

          Heather, thank you for helping me to see worth within myself, and helping me to make my personal changes, and just being there when I needed a friend to talk to.  You forever will hold a piece of my heart for what you have done. 

                                                                             Love your friend,

                                                                                    Sheri

Letter 3:D

Dear D,

          Sometimes people come into our lives by choice or not by choice.  Sometimes we’re a forced into a relationship that we learn to value or discredit.  Even learn to live with or push aside and forget about.  Unfortunately, our relationship is not what I would like for either of us.  However, that is not to say that I haven’t gain a multitude of life lessons from you and for that I can say thank you. 

          You have shown me that the love of a son and his mother is a bond that is immeasurable.  The way they follow you around and look with deep admiration is something that I truly hope will also happen in my relationship with my own children as adults.  The ability to be a leader as the only woman in a home of men is something I admire.

          The home you have created can only be described as beyond beautiful.  But, despite all the lovely home furnishings it is the people inside that make it what it is.  You and your FAMILY have created the homey feeling and comfortable place it is to put your feet up and snuggle in a blanket. 

          Last, and probably the best lesson I have learned from you is how much food you need to make for a family of 6.  And the importance of a huge refrigerator!  As funny as that sounds or even trivial, it is not.  As my own children have started to grow I look back at memories and use the meals we had with you as a guide to how much to cook.  Life is funny that way, which we can take from others in ways that you may not even notice.  Again I say thank you for the ways you have helped me even when it may not have been intentionally done. 

          I wish life could be different and choices made differently, but what has happened and we all have moved on with our lives.  And though I know you probably will never read this, in my heart of hearts I do wish you wanted to be a part of my life and those of my family.  My wishes and thoughts of you are never far away and I wish you all the best in life. 

                                                                                                ~Sheri