Need to Get Back to Do the Right Stuff

After spending a few months hibernating and keeping my head in the sand I have gained some weight.  I want to be back around 121 or a little less.  So today I am starting a new.  The gym is calling my name and I going to get back on track with my goals.  Wish me luck. 

More to come later....

Letter 4: Heather

Dear Heather,

          When I met you a few years ago at book club I saw a woman with a huge personality that was funny and radiant.  As I got to know you and your likes and dislikes that more I wanted to be your friend.  I think you have a talent for drawing people into a conversation and make their thoughts feel as important as yours.

          When I came back to book club last May and you we’re getting ready for your life changing surgery I was so envious of what you were doing. The side talk that you had with me at Wetherlaine’s that night changed me forever.  Instead of standing at the sidelines of my life, you inspired me to take control of my destiny and change it. Truly, for the first time I saw the struggle of being overweight mirrored in someone else’s eyes.  I felt like you understood the frustration of wondering if others noticed your weight as much we do.  But, we create a self protection skill of only looking at our face in the mirror and ignore all the rest below the neck.  The honesty that you shared with me and encouraged me to talk about began the steps of change.  Heather, I can’t say thank you enough for what you have done for me.  Because of you, it pushed me toward my own journey in wls.

          In almost a year since my RNY, I have seen how far you have come and the hard work that must be dedicated toward maintaining and continuing the loss.  I looked at you at the Farmers Market and though I still see my friend in your caring eyes and warm smile, you have made a phenomenal change. 

          I see a woman who cares about her own health, family and those of others.  I see a woman who stands in front of a crowd and makes others want to follow in support of community and small business.  You have found your calling in life and have encouraged many others to find theirs. 

          Heather, thank you for helping me to see worth within myself, and helping me to make my personal changes, and just being there when I needed a friend to talk to.  You forever will hold a piece of my heart for what you have done. 

                                                                             Love your friend,

                                                                                    Sheri

Letter 3:D

Dear D,

          Sometimes people come into our lives by choice or not by choice.  Sometimes we’re a forced into a relationship that we learn to value or discredit.  Even learn to live with or push aside and forget about.  Unfortunately, our relationship is not what I would like for either of us.  However, that is not to say that I haven’t gain a multitude of life lessons from you and for that I can say thank you. 

          You have shown me that the love of a son and his mother is a bond that is immeasurable.  The way they follow you around and look with deep admiration is something that I truly hope will also happen in my relationship with my own children as adults.  The ability to be a leader as the only woman in a home of men is something I admire.

          The home you have created can only be described as beyond beautiful.  But, despite all the lovely home furnishings it is the people inside that make it what it is.  You and your FAMILY have created the homey feeling and comfortable place it is to put your feet up and snuggle in a blanket. 

          Last, and probably the best lesson I have learned from you is how much food you need to make for a family of 6.  And the importance of a huge refrigerator!  As funny as that sounds or even trivial, it is not.  As my own children have started to grow I look back at memories and use the meals we had with you as a guide to how much to cook.  Life is funny that way, which we can take from others in ways that you may not even notice.  Again I say thank you for the ways you have helped me even when it may not have been intentionally done. 

          I wish life could be different and choices made differently, but what has happened and we all have moved on with our lives.  And though I know you probably will never read this, in my heart of hearts I do wish you wanted to be a part of my life and those of my family.  My wishes and thoughts of you are never far away and I wish you all the best in life. 

                                                                                                ~Sheri

Letter 2:Sheri

Dear Sheri,

        Yes, this letter is to me.  Sometimes the best conversation you have is with yourself.  First of all, you must forgive yourself and the obstacles that you sometimes encounter.  You are human and we all make mistakes, it is ok, except it and move on.  Channel your self in peace and calming breath and take the time to move into a better place. 

        You are a remarkable woman who has brought four very bright and charming little boys into the world.  The legacy that they will give to others all started with you.  You are a great mother and wife and though sometimes you may feel others don’t notice, they really do.  Embrace the validation when it comes and try to remember it when the dark days of loneliness fall.

        Sheri, you have come so far in your weight loss journey.  Succeed and don’t let anyone make you fall into old patterns.  That includes you falling prey to temptation and baked goods that you have made for others.  You need to pull back and control yourself or you’ll be right back to how you were a year ago.  You have to want to walk away when you need to walk away. 

        Lastly, love yourself for the person you are.  You give to others more than you sometimes should.  If they don’t see the person that you truly are than that is their loss.  You find good in most people and try to get others to like you even if it is at your expense.  Don’t go back for hurt; some people just understand that there are such things as doing a kind deed with no hidden agenda. 

Continue to be the person that you hope your children will be proud of and want to be themselves.  Teach the gifts of being genoerious, kind and loving and then you have done your job as a mother.  But most of all show them that it is ok to make mistakes and life isn’t about a score on a page, or a task well done, but sometimes it is our failures that gives us the best life lesson, forgiveness and perseverance. 

That said, enjoy life, the good and the hard, and know that all will be ok with a little faith and trust.

                                                       

                                                        ~Sheri

Letter 1: Dear Grandma

Dear Grandma,

          When I was deciding who to write my first letter to I wasn’t sure who to begin with.  It only seems fitting that I chose the person who showed me the value of a written letter and who’s letters back to me were always met with fond memories. That being said, you had to be the person I began the challenge with.

          Thank you and I miss you more that I possible ever could convey.   As it is, I am already sitting here crying.  When ever I felt sad or just needed to tell someone something, I could always write to you and I knew that I would get a letter back on white tablet paper with blue ink words of understanding and love.  You never made me feel foolish or dismissed my early teenage thoughts about boyfriends, school or even what was going on in my life at the time.  I don’t think anyone could understand how much those letters meant to me then or now.

          Grandma, I know that I won’t be getting a letter back this time though, but I can’t help but feel that you would if you could.  That somewhere around me you are close by and would be there to support me though these tough times.  I hope you can hear my thoughts and know how much I still need you.  Even if it is only an invisible hug of comfort and strength from up above.

          Please help me to get though what I feel is almost impossible and make my chaos of a life into something calmer.  Give me guidance on how to raise my group of boys and keep my marriage together amongst the struggle.  Some days, I just don’t know if I can do it anymore and just want to crawl back in bed and put the covers over my head.  And today is one of those days.

          There are many things that I know you can hear me saying, but for various reasons can’t be written.  Because sometimes when you say them you can’t take them back.  Give me patience when I am frustrated, help me to feel that this time will pass, that life will go on and things won’t be so hard.  Because today I can’t say that I am fine.  Help me to be the strong woman and stand by my choices and be successful with them. 

          There is so much more I could say but I just don’t know how to say them.  But in the mean time, know that I feel a little bit better knowing that you were and are on my side even if I  can’t actual hear the words spoke aloud but I hear you in my ear whispering that you care and are there.

                                                                   Love Always Your Granddaughter,

                                                                                      Sheri

PS.  Thank you for the organ, that even if it is not in my possession anymore it will forever remain in my heart that you gave it to me.  That and the white poncho with blue pom-poms

                                                         

In an effort to blog more and get some of these thoughts out I am taking on a challenge of 365 letters to different people.  A book was written recently called 365 Thank Yous and ultimately it changed the authors life for the positive.  I'm not sure if all of my letters are going to be a thank you, but I a would like to think majority are written in a positive manner.  Stay tuned for letter 1 later today....

Sept27th.MPG