CT-Scan Results

In early February we went back to see Dr. Kenna to find out the results of the genetic testing and the CT. Jacob has a malformed cochlea and a narrowed auditory nerve. The genetic tests show that he doesn't have any of the diseases that they tested for. In theory his hearing should remain on his right side. As long as he doesn't damage the ear with loud noises and iPods he should continue with a unilateral hearing loss on his left side.

We should be optimistic and continue our lives as we would have if we didn't have child with hearing loss. The only thing is I couldn't help that I looked at Jacob differently than I did my other two. I thought of him as a fragile baby that needed me to interpret his behavior for others.

Jacob had a high pitched shrill scream that made the hair on the back of your neck stand up and hurt your ears. People really didn't want to be around him for long periods of time because of the screaming. Jacob was never a baby that liked to be held or rocked to sleep which I think my mother and grandmother had a hard time with. He would make his body be rigid when he didn’t want to be picked up and that made people not really bond in a good way with him. It made me feel very self conscious of our little family and I began to make me isolate myself and him. It almost felt like people were saying, “Oh shit here comes Jacob.” Howard doesn't admit it but he didn't tolerate it well either. He still is much harder on Jacob than he ever was or is on Matt and Alex. I can't help but try to protect Jacob from harsh criticisms and judgments. I felt like I was being criticized as a mother because I couldn't stop the screaming of her child. I became very defensive and thought no body understood what I was going through at the time.

I can't tell you the amount of times that we were in a restaurant and told people he is hearing impaired and that is why he is not listening to me telling him to sit down. Family would tell me it wasn’t as bad as I made it out to be. Look when I call his name he turns around was a common statement made by family members.

And then I would have Howard going around that if Jacob was our first he'd be our only child. OK I admit Jacob is a total handful but he is my handful. I love this kid with all my heart and he is the child that made me into a better mother and advocate for my children. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't have been as knowledgeable on the IEP process when I had to go through it with Matt and Alex. Jacob has made me a better person and I don't judge others as quickly because there might be an underlining reason why they act a certain way. I am now prepared to be the lioness to fight for her cubs and not let them slip though the cracks of the education system. And I owe it all to him and he will know as he grows up that no matter what I will be in his corner and cheering all his victories and pushing him through his losses.