The Waiting Game Begins

The second surgeon appointment went very well. Dr. Pohl did a quick exam (to check to what I think is how big my liver is). They have to move it out of the way to rearrange things. He asked me if I had any questions and I said I really didn't have any because I have researched too much. Is that wrong, to not have questions? Anyways I asked some stupid ones like can I only mix the protein powder with water after surgery? I didn't want it to seem like I am oblivious to what I am doing or non-challant.

That is when he said it looks like you've lost 13 lbs since July. What have you been doing? I think this is the most important part of pre-surgery and after. You have to do the work or the surgery won't last. You have to exercise and stop eating the junk so that after the surgery it isn't as rough to get used to. Yeah me on the 13 lbs!

The office staff is compiling all my paperwork and sending it to the insurance now. Hopefully I will hear back soon that I am approved and I can get the surgery date then. This is where the waiting game happens. I have done all the work by going to the doctors appointments and tests. It is just red tape at this point. My insurance is known for being good at quick approvals so I am not worried. Anxious to move forward but not paranoid that is isn't going to happen. But I got the two week pre-op diet packet so I know we are getting close. Vitamins and protein shakes are in my future for two weeks pre-op.

November looks like it is going to be the month though. Right in time for the holidays. It might be a little rough watching everyone eat Thanksgiving dinner and I am having chicken broth but that is okay, I have had enough Velvetta ladden broccoli to last me a lifetime. I am going to get some pumpkin flavored sugar free syrup and I am going to add it to pudding or a shake so I get my faux pumpkin pie fix.

My last thought of this post is, next year I know I will be going to a wedding and I will be able to buy a new dress. What size will I be able to get? I know I will be able to go into majority of the mall and pick up something off the rack as long as it is short. How exciting will that be??? The smallest size I have ever been was a size 10 and it was my prom dress when I was 17. Then I was right back to a 12-14. I am pretty sure I have been a size 14 since the age of 12ish. Will it be possible with the aid of spanx to be for the first time in my adult life a size without a 1 in front? Time will tell and I have a lot of hard work to put in, but this is what I am looking forward to.

Kind of Depressing but,....

I think its really important that I think very positive that all is going to go well for me. Though I keep thinking what the psych said," You do know you could die,right?" Well, I could also die from being 100lbs overweight too. But, I keep thinking should I put something in writing to my family in case something does go wrong?

Like what would I want to say to my sister who I am not close to right now? I miss you more than you could ever know? Please mend your relationship with mom and dad so they are not alone. Know that I think about you everyday and wish you knew what real happiness is so you'd know whether you have it or not. That is just a smidgen of what I wish I could say but don't know how to say the rest.

Writing to my kids would be the hardest. But I know what I would say to them. How much I love them, wishes for them in the future, why I chose to do this. You get the drift.

To Howard to please find comfort and help where it is given. Mend fences that need to be fixed and don't destroy ones that are built. I think he knows what that means if I said that but not in code.

But let me make this clear, I am doing this for me to live. I am going to make it. I am going to be a success and be the mom I want to be which includes going down slides at Mason field which I can't do now because my ass is too big.

But just in case, I love everyone in my circle of friends and family even the ones that don't really love me.

Going to channel the positive energy and I promise no more depressing blogs.

Just put down the donuts!!!!

As of right now my whole family knows that I am having rny(gastric bypass)in the next month or so. A few people are concerned that I may be doing the wrong thing and have voiced their opinions. Now I realize people are afraid that I could die from the surgery or even regret it. Well listen up, I am ready to make a change. My children need a parent to raise them. If I don't fix my issues than we are taking a chance of them having no parents. My husband is well over 300lbs, and as much as he would like to do the surgery too we can't afford for him to be out of work for 6 weeks.

My aunt,grandmother, and mom said to me the other day, Sheri you are looking good. I can tell you are losing weight on your own. They don't get it that the moment I stop or eat one thing to much I put weight right back on. My aunt says," Sheri don't do the surgery just put down the donuts!" Is that what they think I do? That if it was as simple as not eating a donut I would be 120 lbs. I am morbidly obese, and I need help. Yep, I said it I need someone to open me up and change things around to I can gain a level of control that I don't have right now.

If I knew how to eat like a thin person I would, that is waht the surgery will teach me. How to eat like a normal person. So for now I will be not eating donuts and still moving forward with the procedure.

Favorite Protein Shake at the moment

I make the choc. monkey shake according to theworldaccordingtoeggface blog. But I use 1/2 cup skim milk, 1/2 cup water, choc. protein, 1/2 frozen banana and then blend until combined.

I also like the shakes icy cold so I pour it over ice in a large glass. Yummy!

This is my life!

I have never been one for conflict or second guessing anyone so this new attitude is something new for me. Anxiety has been building a little bit wondering why the doctors office wasn't calling me back. SO today I called again to say what the deal was. This is my life here and if you don't want me to keep calling then call me back to answer my question. Have you gotten all my referrals yet or do I need to hound other offices?

Still no answer but they said they'd call my cell. Also, I am trying a new cpap mask tonight. The mirage full face mask was killing my forehead and I couldn't take it anymore. So tonight I am trying out the liberty. Wish me luck.

Back in School and New Beginnings

Matt and Alex went back to school this morning and even though the weather was uncooperative I know it is going to be a good day. So currently I have a fourth grader,second grader, pre-k, and a two year old. God time flies.

So last night I took the foam off of hair rollers and placed it between my forehead and mask. It worked really well and was able to go to sleep. The Ambien helped too!

This is going to be my year. I can feel it. I am ready to go back to work, feel good about myself, and take my life into new directions. I hope you all are willing to go on the ride with me. To a new and healthy new year!

Cpap Hell

I received my machine on Sunday knowing that either I am going to embrace cpap therapy or I am going to hate the whole thing. After trying on a couple masks I decided that ultimately a full face mask might be best for me since I breath through my mouth and nose when I sleep. Fast forward to Sunday night.

I put the mask on and take an Ambien. I had to repeat the ramp setting three or four times before I finally fell asleep. The worst past of the mask is the hard plastic that touches your forehead. I have to keep the mask tight so it doesn't leak thus making the mask uncomfortable to wear. I feel like someone is smothering me and it makes my just want to rip the whole thing off. I really don't like to be touched especially when I am sleeping. Good thing my husband works nights and usually I have the bed to myself.

I tried again last night and after wrestling with the thing for two hours just took it off. I need to find away to make the forehead part more comfortable or I am going to need a different mask. I am going to try and put foam between the plastic and my head. I will let you know how it goes tomorrow.