Embracing the Me

You know for a long time I just wanted to be different than who I was. I wanted to be thinner, wear smaller clothes, have longer hair, be a better mom, have more patience and fix what was broken in my life. In the past few months I have had experiences with a few of those things. I wear smaller clothing, I am thinner and I have had longer hair. But does it make me a better person? no. I still am the same mom I always was and the patience is hard to come by. But all in all I know deep down I am a good mom to my boys.

Putting on clothes and seeing the lumps and bumps left by almost 15 years of obesity has left an emotional wound. I don't see the smaller picture of myself and recognize the figure that is slowly developing. However yesterday in dressing room I have come to the conclusion that I get over it.

I went to the mall to find a compression yoga top for the body pump classes I take at the ymca. Except I don't like how you can see all the belly rolls I still have. And I may always have. In the dressing room I thought to myself this body has carried 4 children. I am almost 34 years old and it will never look like a 20 year old with flat tummy unless I get plastic surgery. And considering I have always had a lower belly even when I was 120 in high school it looks like I may have to just get used to it. So did I buy the yoga top at JC Penny? No but I am going to get one soon. And in the meantime I am going to embrace the person I am. Lumps and Bumps and alittle cranky too.

Getting Ready for Some Major Changes

A few of readers know that I got received a job offer that I am going to be starting soon. I am so looking forward to going back to teaching and taking back some of me. Meaning the part of me that doesn't involve my identity of being a mother or wife. I can't wait to be around the classroom and explore learning through young children again.

Another big change is that the scale read a number that I haven't seen in a very long time. In high school was the last time I ever saw the number 160. And the greatest news is that the scale is going to continue to go down. Yippee! It is getting to the time that I need to embrace buying some new clothes. It is still hard to recognize the loss on a daily basis but as the clothes that I used to wear are very big on I can see the changes.

Thanks for reading and talk to you all later.

I Need a New Bathing Suit

I have been thinking that I might want to add swimming to the exercise routine. Maybe build up some endurance and lung capacity. So this is the deal. I put on a bathing suit that I wore last summer. I look like a deflated marshmellow and the bathsuit just hangs off. Great! I put on a suit that I haven't worn in like forever and it is black. It fits but it doesn't cover the upper thigh area that I am still very self concious about. It is good enough to gets some swim sessions in but I can see bathing suit shopping is in the future.

Another thing that I have noticed that wearing pj's that are huge are not as comfortable as you'd think. You get wrapped up in material while tossing and turning and it wakes you up. New Pjs are in the future too. Maybe get a little something to please the husband instead of the flannel ones I always wear? We'll see.

8 Weeks Out

Lumps and Bumps but that is me.

Taking the Leap

So for the first time in over a decade I sent a resume for a full-time teaching position at a local daycare/preschool. I didn't put down anything that wasn't the truth and didn't fluff what I have. I miss teaching something awful. The thoughts of cutting out construction paper and gluing glitter on projects create a sense of excitment that other teachers would understand.

But the issue of are they going to call for an interview is going to be alittle hard to wait for. I can only put out a little prayer of hope that it will fall into place. I know I am a good teacher and I just wish that I get a chance to show it. Wish me luck!

My 10 New Years Wishes and Hopes

1. For this to be a healthy year for my family.
2. To let go of the things that I can't change.
3. Go back to where my passion is which is teaching.
4. Learn how to accept that my body has had four kids and not everything is snapping back.
5. Go into a VS store and buy a bra to give me some boobage.
6. Clean the clutter out of my life and home.
7. To say what I mean and do what I say.
8. To accept that the weight is coming off at its own rate and that is ok.
9. Read the book club books this year.
10. Know that it is ok to be me, the good, the bad and the ugly.