I came across a photo of myself from 13 years ago holding the newly born Matthew and thought of all the things that have changed since then. I thought at the time that my kids were going to be very smart, athletic and have the world at their feet ready for them to explore. Instead, I have children who struggle in school, only play a few plays during a game, and money is tightly watched. Are they suffering or was I a total failure as a parent to provide all that I thought I would have been able to give?
In a round about way, maybe I am. I don't read to them as much as I should. I have allowed them to not be responsible with chores or their belongings as I pick up for them. I make excuses for their misbehavior and hope it gets swept under the rug. I don't care about grades or the parent/teacher conferences when I take them as a reflection on me.
On the other hand, I have four boys who ask me to cuddle with them on the couch. I have a child who will hold out his hand to hold mine while I drive. My kids think I am the best baker on the planet when I make a special treat or cake. And my son thought that I was awesome because I made him hot chocolate not from a mix.
I may not be the best mom, but I will be their best cheerleader and one of the loudest on the bleachers when their names is called out. And even on the days when I consider it a success just to have them sent to school with clean faces and and wrinkle free clothes, I'll take it. Because I know in the thirteen years I've been a mom I know I have done some of the best work I could do.
-s
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