Letter 4: Heather

Dear Heather,

          When I met you a few years ago at book club I saw a woman with a huge personality that was funny and radiant.  As I got to know you and your likes and dislikes that more I wanted to be your friend.  I think you have a talent for drawing people into a conversation and make their thoughts feel as important as yours.

          When I came back to book club last May and you we’re getting ready for your life changing surgery I was so envious of what you were doing. The side talk that you had with me at Wetherlaine’s that night changed me forever.  Instead of standing at the sidelines of my life, you inspired me to take control of my destiny and change it. Truly, for the first time I saw the struggle of being overweight mirrored in someone else’s eyes.  I felt like you understood the frustration of wondering if others noticed your weight as much we do.  But, we create a self protection skill of only looking at our face in the mirror and ignore all the rest below the neck.  The honesty that you shared with me and encouraged me to talk about began the steps of change.  Heather, I can’t say thank you enough for what you have done for me.  Because of you, it pushed me toward my own journey in wls.

          In almost a year since my RNY, I have seen how far you have come and the hard work that must be dedicated toward maintaining and continuing the loss.  I looked at you at the Farmers Market and though I still see my friend in your caring eyes and warm smile, you have made a phenomenal change. 

          I see a woman who cares about her own health, family and those of others.  I see a woman who stands in front of a crowd and makes others want to follow in support of community and small business.  You have found your calling in life and have encouraged many others to find theirs. 

          Heather, thank you for helping me to see worth within myself, and helping me to make my personal changes, and just being there when I needed a friend to talk to.  You forever will hold a piece of my heart for what you have done. 

                                                                             Love your friend,

                                                                                    Sheri

Letter 3:D

Dear D,

          Sometimes people come into our lives by choice or not by choice.  Sometimes we’re a forced into a relationship that we learn to value or discredit.  Even learn to live with or push aside and forget about.  Unfortunately, our relationship is not what I would like for either of us.  However, that is not to say that I haven’t gain a multitude of life lessons from you and for that I can say thank you. 

          You have shown me that the love of a son and his mother is a bond that is immeasurable.  The way they follow you around and look with deep admiration is something that I truly hope will also happen in my relationship with my own children as adults.  The ability to be a leader as the only woman in a home of men is something I admire.

          The home you have created can only be described as beyond beautiful.  But, despite all the lovely home furnishings it is the people inside that make it what it is.  You and your FAMILY have created the homey feeling and comfortable place it is to put your feet up and snuggle in a blanket. 

          Last, and probably the best lesson I have learned from you is how much food you need to make for a family of 6.  And the importance of a huge refrigerator!  As funny as that sounds or even trivial, it is not.  As my own children have started to grow I look back at memories and use the meals we had with you as a guide to how much to cook.  Life is funny that way, which we can take from others in ways that you may not even notice.  Again I say thank you for the ways you have helped me even when it may not have been intentionally done. 

          I wish life could be different and choices made differently, but what has happened and we all have moved on with our lives.  And though I know you probably will never read this, in my heart of hearts I do wish you wanted to be a part of my life and those of my family.  My wishes and thoughts of you are never far away and I wish you all the best in life. 

                                                                                                ~Sheri

Letter 2:Sheri

Dear Sheri,

        Yes, this letter is to me.  Sometimes the best conversation you have is with yourself.  First of all, you must forgive yourself and the obstacles that you sometimes encounter.  You are human and we all make mistakes, it is ok, except it and move on.  Channel your self in peace and calming breath and take the time to move into a better place. 

        You are a remarkable woman who has brought four very bright and charming little boys into the world.  The legacy that they will give to others all started with you.  You are a great mother and wife and though sometimes you may feel others don’t notice, they really do.  Embrace the validation when it comes and try to remember it when the dark days of loneliness fall.

        Sheri, you have come so far in your weight loss journey.  Succeed and don’t let anyone make you fall into old patterns.  That includes you falling prey to temptation and baked goods that you have made for others.  You need to pull back and control yourself or you’ll be right back to how you were a year ago.  You have to want to walk away when you need to walk away. 

        Lastly, love yourself for the person you are.  You give to others more than you sometimes should.  If they don’t see the person that you truly are than that is their loss.  You find good in most people and try to get others to like you even if it is at your expense.  Don’t go back for hurt; some people just understand that there are such things as doing a kind deed with no hidden agenda. 

Continue to be the person that you hope your children will be proud of and want to be themselves.  Teach the gifts of being genoerious, kind and loving and then you have done your job as a mother.  But most of all show them that it is ok to make mistakes and life isn’t about a score on a page, or a task well done, but sometimes it is our failures that gives us the best life lesson, forgiveness and perseverance. 

That said, enjoy life, the good and the hard, and know that all will be ok with a little faith and trust.

                                                       

                                                        ~Sheri

Letter 1: Dear Grandma

Dear Grandma,

          When I was deciding who to write my first letter to I wasn’t sure who to begin with.  It only seems fitting that I chose the person who showed me the value of a written letter and who’s letters back to me were always met with fond memories. That being said, you had to be the person I began the challenge with.

          Thank you and I miss you more that I possible ever could convey.   As it is, I am already sitting here crying.  When ever I felt sad or just needed to tell someone something, I could always write to you and I knew that I would get a letter back on white tablet paper with blue ink words of understanding and love.  You never made me feel foolish or dismissed my early teenage thoughts about boyfriends, school or even what was going on in my life at the time.  I don’t think anyone could understand how much those letters meant to me then or now.

          Grandma, I know that I won’t be getting a letter back this time though, but I can’t help but feel that you would if you could.  That somewhere around me you are close by and would be there to support me though these tough times.  I hope you can hear my thoughts and know how much I still need you.  Even if it is only an invisible hug of comfort and strength from up above.

          Please help me to get though what I feel is almost impossible and make my chaos of a life into something calmer.  Give me guidance on how to raise my group of boys and keep my marriage together amongst the struggle.  Some days, I just don’t know if I can do it anymore and just want to crawl back in bed and put the covers over my head.  And today is one of those days.

          There are many things that I know you can hear me saying, but for various reasons can’t be written.  Because sometimes when you say them you can’t take them back.  Give me patience when I am frustrated, help me to feel that this time will pass, that life will go on and things won’t be so hard.  Because today I can’t say that I am fine.  Help me to be the strong woman and stand by my choices and be successful with them. 

          There is so much more I could say but I just don’t know how to say them.  But in the mean time, know that I feel a little bit better knowing that you were and are on my side even if I  can’t actual hear the words spoke aloud but I hear you in my ear whispering that you care and are there.

                                                                   Love Always Your Granddaughter,

                                                                                      Sheri

PS.  Thank you for the organ, that even if it is not in my possession anymore it will forever remain in my heart that you gave it to me.  That and the white poncho with blue pom-poms

                                                         

In an effort to blog more and get some of these thoughts out I am taking on a challenge of 365 letters to different people.  A book was written recently called 365 Thank Yous and ultimately it changed the authors life for the positive.  I'm not sure if all of my letters are going to be a thank you, but I a would like to think majority are written in a positive manner.  Stay tuned for letter 1 later today....

Sept27th.MPG

Rough Times

TagGame: 10 things that you are grateful or proud of....MPG

Embarrassed and Frustrated

You'd honestly think that I would learn how to get over the small stuff by now,but I don't. And to be truthful is it that people don't see when I am getting upset that they'd know to stop. I really am getting tired of hearing Jacob stories and how mischeivious, fresh, naughty he is. He is my son and I know he is all those things and more. So in effort to not add fuel to the fire or give people more ammunition to throw at me I guess we will be staying home of a while. And the kids won't be spending time at the grandparents without me.

I don't know what will get this kid to change so I am at wits end. But at this time I am beyond embarrassed at how things are with him and I am not to to continue to put myself out there to get hurt anymore.

barbeque sauce

Internal Fears and Running

Getting Ready For Summer

Found some of the listings for the free movies this summer. I am looking forward to making this summer a better and fit summer for my family. I know I am going to be running to the finish line in my 5 k that I am doing next month.Yeah me!

I am making youtube videos that I think explain what I am going through a little more clearly so check those out if you want to see what is going on on a more daily basis.

Other than that, today is a GOYB and move your body to a healthier tomorrow.

love ya.S

The New Me

Picture of six months post op

This is me a month ago at a wedding
   

My YouTube Channel

Check out my channel for what I eat.

http://www.youtube.com/user/sheri277#p/a/u/1/7CSoRyhUks8

Great Doctors Appointment

So lets talk about having the lows be the good thing of the day. I went to the doctor last night and the song that came on the radio(when I was stuck at the traffic light before the surgeons office) was The Climb. Now if you look at my blog you know what the song means to me. Gave me the spingles(spine tingles).

I was thinking that they were going to say that I should plan on losing another 15-20 lbs. Nope he told me to stay in the 120's and maintain my weight where I am. That they don't want me under 117. Well, it is going to happen if it is meant to be. Then my actual surgeon saw me in the office when I was leaving and he saw you look fantastic. That was the best compliment he could have given me. This guy is very nice but he is tough with the rules. So now I know that I am doing great.

I hate that I use a number to judge how I feel, but I do and that is my reality. I will never be wearing a bikini due to the permemant last reminder of my obesity which is wrinkly loose skin. But damn that size 6 dress is calling my name.

Have a happy day!
~S

120's

todays scale visit said 128.2. enough said.


s

Getting control back

Stayed with the diet plan today.I followed the rules and am pretty proud of myself

Goodbye to My Friend

Well today is the day that I am saying goodbye to my best friend. I don't like that for the past month and a half they have not said anything nice. I have had my highs and lows and counted on them to there for me. You and I met every morning and sometimes in the evening to have our daily discussion of what was going on. Well, not anymore. I am tired of judging my self worth based on what you had to say.

I am putting my faith on that in a little bit of time you can come back into my life and be kind to me again. But until that time you are out of my life and my thoughts. I am counting on Howard to find a good place to put you until you say the things that I need you to say. So good riddance and though I may miss you every morning, you and I both know you are not good for me on such a constant bases. Goodbye bathroom scale and hello to a happier me.

The Number That I Have Come to Hate

I can't believe I am even saying this because six months ago I couldn't imagine that I would be where I am right now. I am stuck at 131 on the scale. The scale is mocking me with a two pound fluctuation back and forth. I can't wait to see a number in the 120's and that is my next goal. But like my friend says it isn't the number, it is how you feel. I am know I am stronger than I have ever been in my life. Maybe it is that I want it more than ever.

What I Ate For Cinco de Mayo-yummy

While the kids had pancakes for dinner with fresh fruit I made Howie and I fahitas.

I heated up some frozen onion,pepper mix in a tiny bit of oil. After heating it up I took them out and threw in some thinly sliced chicken that was sprinkled in baha seasoning. Once the chicken was done I threw the peppers back in the pan and let it stay warm on the stove.

Howard had his with a flat-out wrap and I had mine naked(no wrap).

I put a dollop of greek yogurt, some lettuce and salsa on top. I totally forgot to take a picture but I thought people might like idea of a mexican high protein meal.

A New Week

So I have been making some not great food choices lately and I think it has something to do with getting the you look good comments. I don't really like the attention it brings. It almost makes me feel like I wasn't pretty at all before. But this is a new week and a new beginning. I took all my vitamins and is ready to go back to work with a fresh start.

It is the week of the young child, which is my favorite because it lets you see what the children are interested in. So I am excited for this monday. Have a good week folks.

Train - Marry Me

Almost 4 Months Post Surgery

Dressing Room Phobia

Very quickly clothes that I bought in the past couple months are starting to be undergrown. I am fine with wearing tops that are too big but I can't be walking out of pants or skirts. So off to the mall I go. Mentally it is hard to wrap my mind around that I can pick something from the misses department and it will fit. Unfortunately I am not in love with the style that is popular at the moment. The empire waist looks cute on skinny girls but looks like a maternity shirt on woman that have actually had children. I realize that my body will always be pouchy without a little plastic surgery help.

So this is my story. How is that I can walkout of two malls and an Old Navy and not find one thing that I like on. Is it that I don't like myself in smaller cothes? Possible. I think the reason is that I am afraid to go in the dressing room and the clothes still be too small. I don't like the mirror that shows all of your lumps and bumps. But on the other hand the lumps and bumps are just me and I am ok.

Needless to say I went to my local Old Navy and got a few tops that I did like and seeing pictures of me in them made realize that I have climbed a huge mountain of weight loss. However the pressure of putting the pictures up makes me pause. Do I want people to be surprised? Am I going to measure up to what they expect. I don't know what is holding me back, but as soon I am get over the hump I will let you know.

Feeling A Little Under The Weather

Woke up this morning with the tell tale scratchy sore throat. I think a cold is on the horizon for me. I hate being sick but somehow I roll with the punches. The Y had a body pump class at 10:00 so I went in case I am not able to go tomorrow. I felt good to work my body out.

I went lighter on the weights since the not feeling great might take its toll tomorrow. On to the scale victory in case anyone is reading the blog. I jumped on the scale this morning and I was 149. I am so happy about that and the journey that I have been on. I keep thinking at the pace I am going than by swim season I will probably be in the 120-130s. I can't wait.

Embracing the Me

You know for a long time I just wanted to be different than who I was. I wanted to be thinner, wear smaller clothes, have longer hair, be a better mom, have more patience and fix what was broken in my life. In the past few months I have had experiences with a few of those things. I wear smaller clothing, I am thinner and I have had longer hair. But does it make me a better person? no. I still am the same mom I always was and the patience is hard to come by. But all in all I know deep down I am a good mom to my boys.

Putting on clothes and seeing the lumps and bumps left by almost 15 years of obesity has left an emotional wound. I don't see the smaller picture of myself and recognize the figure that is slowly developing. However yesterday in dressing room I have come to the conclusion that I get over it.

I went to the mall to find a compression yoga top for the body pump classes I take at the ymca. Except I don't like how you can see all the belly rolls I still have. And I may always have. In the dressing room I thought to myself this body has carried 4 children. I am almost 34 years old and it will never look like a 20 year old with flat tummy unless I get plastic surgery. And considering I have always had a lower belly even when I was 120 in high school it looks like I may have to just get used to it. So did I buy the yoga top at JC Penny? No but I am going to get one soon. And in the meantime I am going to embrace the person I am. Lumps and Bumps and alittle cranky too.

Getting Ready for Some Major Changes

A few of readers know that I got received a job offer that I am going to be starting soon. I am so looking forward to going back to teaching and taking back some of me. Meaning the part of me that doesn't involve my identity of being a mother or wife. I can't wait to be around the classroom and explore learning through young children again.

Another big change is that the scale read a number that I haven't seen in a very long time. In high school was the last time I ever saw the number 160. And the greatest news is that the scale is going to continue to go down. Yippee! It is getting to the time that I need to embrace buying some new clothes. It is still hard to recognize the loss on a daily basis but as the clothes that I used to wear are very big on I can see the changes.

Thanks for reading and talk to you all later.

I Need a New Bathing Suit

I have been thinking that I might want to add swimming to the exercise routine. Maybe build up some endurance and lung capacity. So this is the deal. I put on a bathing suit that I wore last summer. I look like a deflated marshmellow and the bathsuit just hangs off. Great! I put on a suit that I haven't worn in like forever and it is black. It fits but it doesn't cover the upper thigh area that I am still very self concious about. It is good enough to gets some swim sessions in but I can see bathing suit shopping is in the future.

Another thing that I have noticed that wearing pj's that are huge are not as comfortable as you'd think. You get wrapped up in material while tossing and turning and it wakes you up. New Pjs are in the future too. Maybe get a little something to please the husband instead of the flannel ones I always wear? We'll see.

8 Weeks Out

Lumps and Bumps but that is me.

Taking the Leap

So for the first time in over a decade I sent a resume for a full-time teaching position at a local daycare/preschool. I didn't put down anything that wasn't the truth and didn't fluff what I have. I miss teaching something awful. The thoughts of cutting out construction paper and gluing glitter on projects create a sense of excitment that other teachers would understand.

But the issue of are they going to call for an interview is going to be alittle hard to wait for. I can only put out a little prayer of hope that it will fall into place. I know I am a good teacher and I just wish that I get a chance to show it. Wish me luck!

My 10 New Years Wishes and Hopes

1. For this to be a healthy year for my family.
2. To let go of the things that I can't change.
3. Go back to where my passion is which is teaching.
4. Learn how to accept that my body has had four kids and not everything is snapping back.
5. Go into a VS store and buy a bra to give me some boobage.
6. Clean the clutter out of my life and home.
7. To say what I mean and do what I say.
8. To accept that the weight is coming off at its own rate and that is ok.
9. Read the book club books this year.
10. Know that it is ok to be me, the good, the bad and the ugly.